New Beginning

I woke up Saturday morning, after spending almost all night in the bathroom.
It was exhausting.

The day of the Run to the Rock 5K race was already here. I originally registered for the half marathon, but since I have not been feeling too healthy the past two weeks, I switched the distance from half to 5K.

It has been a while since the last time I was able to run. Although I am a very beginning runner, I have ran several 5Ks & weekly 3.75 mile race, running the distance usually does not make me feel nervous anymore.

But, this time was different. I felt under-prepared. I was afraid that my body would fail me. I was scared that I would collapse without finishing the race. I was doubting myself, wondering if I was being extremely stubborn, selfish, and arrogant, for not totally backing out of the race.

I thought of something that’s coming from my heart that really felt true to myself:
“If I can believe in myself through this 5K, I will be able to overcome the circumstance where I am in right now.”

It felt right. I had to this, so I did.

This race was was extremely challenging, both mentally and physically. I was huffing and puffing after the first mile, just like when I first started running. I told myself, “Reserve, reserve,” over and over, so I could conserve my energy for the finish. I felt piercing cramp in my stomach after the second mile, and I almost thought about stopping and walking. But, that’s what my brain was telling me. My heart said, “You got this!”

I slowed down and kept on running.

When I finally saw the finish line, I was in tears.
This sense of relief and accomplishment filled my chest.
Then I sped up, passing a few runners, I finished the race as strong as I could.

Soon after that, I found Paul and Moby. We sat down a little while, so I could catch my breath. I was exhausted.

It was more challenging than my 10K, 7 miler, 12 mile training run, or any of my 5Ks. I realize that it became challenging, because I had such a hard time believing in myself. Until I was pushed to the limit, I did not truly listen to my heart.

My running began in March, because I wanted to start believing in myself.

I thought I was worth it.
Just because I got a “Dr. Stop*,” am I not worth it now?
Apparently, I thought I wasn’t anymore, somewhere in my head.

This is a new beginning.

Saturday’s race taught me a few lessons:
1. Listen and follow your heart.
2. Your body can take it more than you think.
3. Believe in yourself.
4. You are worth it.

I know these things in my head, but it is not always easy for me to live by them. Once again, I would like to embrace my body and the current conditions I have right now. I am starting over with a new attitude.

Official Time: 29.09
My Garmin Time: 28:57
Splits:

*Dr. Stop (Japanese-English word): order/recommendation from your primary care doctor to stop doing a particular activity/behavior to protect your health.